sorry

to someone: I'M VERY SORRY

coz i leave you without any single word..

coz i have to do this

coz i should not do this to you

coz i should not do that to you

coz i should not let you waiting for me

coz i should not give you any hope

coz i cant give my heart to you

coz i cant force my self to give any commitment for this while

and

coz i'm not meant for you..

whatever it is,

i'm very grateful bcoz have somebody like you..

i'm very thankful to have a friend just like you who never giving up

i'm very glad to have you as a friend

but i have to go.. thanks a lot my dear friend.. thanks for your care on me. thanks for everything..

we're meant to be just a friend which never end up with any other relationship..i tried so many times but i found nothing.. sorry for that..

................................SORRY....................

novel..

salam untuk semua..

mood: novel

sekarang ni mood nak baca novel je.. tp takde la sampai addicted sgt pun.. setakat jd bed time story ok je kan.. hahaha.. sekarang ni tak banyak sgt keje sbb few coursework dah hand in last week.. yg ada ni pun after raya /merdeka day baru submit.. bella bella, suka sgt tangguh2 keje.. haha.. wanna know my list of novel that i have read?nak kata banyak tak banyak..nak kata sikit pun tak jugak.. tp at least ada la jugak...F.Y.I, aku suka baca tapi nak beli tu mintak ampun la ye.. sbb tak terasa
nak buat koleksi pulak.. one day perhaps..aku start baca novel ni after UPSR rasanye.. kwn baik aku yg supplier novel2 yg aku baca time tu.. 1st novel yg aku baca JANJI DIANA. mcm2 genre novel yg aku dah baca.. mostly love story even aku tahu mostly fake semata-mata.. baca novel ni mmg buat aku leka..tp at the same time byk input yg aku dpt dr novel2 tu..

antara favorite novel aku :

• KASIH YANG SUCI *more than 5 times aku baca. drama pun aku tgk.. seriously mmg best story ni..
• RINDU YANG PERGI* seriously menangis giler2
• OMBAK RINDU * more than 5 time jugak
• ADAM HAWA *same goes to this title.. byk kali bace pun tak jemu..
• CINTA TIGA SUKU*kelakar giler2..

and sekarang ni ada 2 novel sedang Q untuk dibaca, TAHU RASA CINTA and AKU CINTA DIA

Perasan tak semua novel yg aku baca ni in Malay.. bukan tak suka nak baca English novel, tapi......hahaahha...novel Malay aku tak penah beli, tp English novel banyak la jugak aku beli tp 1 pun tak penah habis baca.. 5 pages je aku dah stop.. haha..just imagine novel TO KILL A MOCKINGBIRD pun aku liat nak baca.. page1-10 tu dah berulang-ulang kali aku baca.. tp tak gerak2 jugak.. hurmm..mood lum sampai lagi kot.. one perhaps.. insyallah.. dah la kena belajar literature so maksudnya banyak lagi novel2 yg aku kena study.... serve you right cik bella..

P/s: whatever it is cik bella ni tersangat la suka beli buku and setiap kali beli buku dalam hati konfem niat "untuk anak2 aku nnti"...hahaha...

mood: MISS MY FAMILY!!! i wanna hug and kiss them........

i have wrote bout my kids before and today i'll write bout MY FAMILY

first and foremost, our BACKBONE.. mak & ayah

this is our backbone, ISMAIL BIN MAT and ZALEHA BT DOLLAH

wanna know something special bout them?

jarak umur mereka ni 15 years..

ayah: 1944 and mak:1959

jauh kan?

alhamdulillah, bahagia till sekarang

so, ini membuktikan bahawa jarak usia tak menjadi masalah for having any relationship especially for marriage.

my parents married on 1974 and got their 1st child on 1976 and last on 1992* aku lahir tahun ni

my mum kawin time umur 15 thn. and ayah umur 30 thn.

korg kalau dtg rumah my parents konfem giler nk bergambar.. kalau boleh every single side nk shoot. sbb?? ahaha.. my home sweet home ni dihiasi dgn landscape ayah.. serius aku pun giler gmbr kat laman ayah.* tp selalu je mengata landscape ayah...hahahaha

selalu je aku ckp kat ayah nnti one day aku nak tar laman ayah sbb tak de orang nk jage landscape ayah..aku ni dah la malas nak tolong sapu laman.. so kena la cari 'husband' yg minat landscape and rajin nak kemas laman.. kalau tak konfem laa mcm rumah tinggal..

tp aku takkan sampai hati nak buat macam tu..

its will remain as our memory..kalau mak pulak aku suka nak story pasal cara dia kejut aku bgun pagi.. disebabkan anak dara dia ni tersgt lah susah nk ngun pagi*itu dulu okay! , so mcm2 cara mak kejut aku..

first mak ketuk pintu smbil panggil nama aku..pastu mak biarkan dulu..

after few minutes takde respon mak masuk bilik switch off kipas.. reason switch off kipas sbb aku tak suka tido kipas off coz nanti nyamuk2 suka buat konsert kat telinga aku..

pastu mak keluar..pintu mak biar terbukak..

aku sanggup bgun gi switch on kipas..hahaha

then kalau still tak bgun mak masuk lagi bukak langsir pulak..konon bile ada cahaya masuk aku sedar laa rupenye hari dah siang!!!

tp tak jalan jugak..

after dah mcm2 cara mak suruh aku bgun

last sekali, mak akan tutup balik pintu dgn agak kuat.

so time tu aku tau mak tgh marah!!!

hahahaha....

so buat la muka seposen switch off kipas -bukak pintu- keluar bilik -basuh muka berus gigi- gi dapur-borak2 ngan mak

actually setiap action yg mak aku buat tu diselangi dgn bebelan yg amatlah menusuk kalbu..hahaha

dulu je, sekarang tak lagi....*ye ke????

#ila syg mak ayah..

next, my first brother...along

along.aka. AZLIE BIN ISMAIL

15 mei 1976

my bro ni dah kawin and has a sweet little daughter.

tak tau story pasal apa..

hurmm...bout pagi nak tak??

pagi2 lagi phone aku tercall no.hp along.. phone pun tau rindu kat along.. ahaha

tibe2 je along call balik..

me: along, sorry phone ila tercall laa..sorryyyy

along: laa ye ke?? no mesti nama pakwe lebih kurang nama along ni...hahahah

me: haha..ooopppssss

along: kat mana tu?

me: baru je smpai hostel. smlm balik umah.. pagi ni ade class.. so kena la blk..

along; ooooo

me: tak keje ke?

along: ngah keje ni.. biasa la bawak kete je..

me: ooo..ngah test kete ke?

along: aah..tak lama lg Pesona nak kuar design baru..cantik laaa.. sesuai sgt kalau cikgu2 mcm ila drive..

me: wowwww...along belikan satu ok..tq2..

along: hahaha...

..........................................................lama gak kitorg borak..nmpk sgt aku rindu kat along..smpi phone call kan.. haahaa

masa kecik2 dulu giler2 manja ngan along..biasa laa adik last la kate kan.. so pantang je kalau along balik kg konfem aku ajak along merempit kat kg tu.

best gler round petang2 naik motor RXZ color merah along..superb seyh..

hah.. tibe2 nak story pasal nih..

time along nikah aku tak dt tgk pun sbb aku kat hostel.. sedih giler2 time tu.. b4 nikah tu aku call along sambil nangis.. my sists cakap along pun nangis time tu..

just imagine orang yg paling aku manja nak nikah tp aku tak dpt tgk...:(

sedih -sedih-sedih....

#love you along...

next, my first sister..kakngah

kakngah a.k.a AZALEEFA ISMAIL

24 january 1978

dah kawin jugak and has 4 kids..

kalau tgk badan rase mcm tak caye je dah anak 4..

sometimes org igt kakngah ni still stdy tak kawin lagi.. *sebaliknye berlaku kat aku

hahaha..

nak story pe ye?

hurmmm....*smbil dok pikir

hah

dah dpt

setiap kali dtg umah kakngah kat bandar tasik selatan konfem menu wajib yg aku order MEE GORENG kakngah.. seriously mmg favorite aku..

*kalau tgk mee tu mcm biase je tp disebabkan cik bell ni tak reti masak so mee tu jadi sgt sedap...

kakngah ni selalu jadi mediator kalau aku ngan akak gaduh.

selalu nasihat kat adik dia yg degil ni.. sbb kadang2 aku buat something tak pikir 275 kali

hahahaha

thanks kakngah...

#love you kakngah.

next, my second brother....bande

bande a.k.a AZRAI BIN ISMAIL

27 october 1980

hasn't marry yet. single? i'm not so sure

stay with my mum n dad at home sweet home

story?

hurmm

hah

story pasal basuh baju

bande aku ni suka longgok baju kotor dlm bilik n akan keluarkan bju2 ble dah menimbun ala-ala bukit katil...haha

pastu tnye kat mak or aku

'mesin basuh kosong tak' or 'aku nak basuh bju ni, ko kosong kan mesin tu ye'

so aku pun cpt2 laa abes kan basuh bju konon bande nk basuh bju..

dia angkut bukit bju die tu gi kat mesin bsuh- masuk kan dlm mesin- msukkan sabun- switch on mesin and then kuar umah. subuh keesokkan hari nye baru la balik umah.. kiranya ktorg laa yg kena settle bju dia tu.. kan senang kalau dr 1st ckp kat aku tlg basuh kan bju tu.. ni tak, tnye mcm nk basuh sendiri.. hahaha

bengang je..

whatever it is..

#love you bande.

next, my second sister...akak

akak a.k.a NURIZZATI BT ISMAIL

14 october 1986

married and has one kiut miut son.

hurmmm..

nak story ape yek bout her..

hah..

dpt dah

dr kecik aku byk spent time ngan akak..

sbb ktorg membesar sama2

akak darjah 6 aku pulak 6 tahun

pastu pulak dia tak penah dok hostel.

so kat umah tu mengadap muka akak je..

dulu2 akak ni tersangat la garang.. serious tak tipu..

mcm2 benda dia ajar aku

especially bab2 kemas umah.

dr kecik dia dah suruh aku buat mcm2

dulu selalu je merungut

konon kecik lg tak yah wat semua tu

sekarang ni bru la aku sedar nape dia suruh aku wat semua tu

ktorg selalu gaduh..

ayah selalu ckp ktorg ni mcm kucing ngan anjing

gaduh..gaduh..gaduh..

tp jap je..

one more, dari dulu sampai sekarang aku share everything ngan akak .

i repeat..EVERY SINGLE THING

ingat lagi time kecik2 dulu..

ada sorg mamat tuisyen aku ni minat kat aku.

siap bagi surat bagai kat aku.

aku pun bagi la kat akak suruh dia baca and tolong reply kan

sbb aku tak suka nk layan

panjang la juga akak tulis surat tu.

mcm2 ada

hahahaha..

kelakar kan?

ape lagi yek??

sekarang ni dah besar we all still share everything

EVERY SINGLE THING

#ila syg akak

last and the last, ...ila@adik

ila a.k.a adik a.k.a NUR NABILAH BINTI ISMAIL

27 may 1992

sape ni yek??

mesti lah aku..

aku kan anak last..the last one in family

hahahaha..

bajet nak adik lg

tp takde rezeki..oppss

in family ayah sorang je panggil aku ADIK..

yg lain2 panggil aku ILA

tp time nk marah diorang panggil NABILAH

kwn2 je panggil BELLA

tu pun tak semua panggil bella

hurmm

perasan tak adik beradik aku ni selang seli*orang panggil selang bunga

along-kakngah-bande-akak----ingatkan last laki..tp keluar baby girl yg kiut miut*aku la tu..

hahaha

sape yg pilih nama aku?

hurm

menurut source yg boleh dipercayai

kakngah yg pilih

CAHAYA YG CERDIK DAN PANDAI

kakngah suka gunakan quote ni kalau nak nasihat aku

sbb nama kita ialah peribadi kita

manja ke aku ni?

orang selalu ckp anak bongsu manja

tp aku rasa macam tak je

haha

tp betul laa

aku dimanjakan

semua benda yg aku nk selalu la jgak dpt tp kena tapis betul2 and dipertimbangkan

best jugak jadi anak last

pernah dulu aku ckp kat kakngah n akak

'you all dah kawin tinggal la i sorg2, boring la macam ni'

diorang ckp

'dont worry k. ila kau tak kan boring sbb anak2 we all ada'

'nnti time kau kawin konfem meriah sbb anak2 we all dah besar2'

'semua org meraikan kau'

.............................................??????..........................................

okay.. done with this entry..

ingatkan nk post semalam.tp tertido kepenatan shopping ngan ash..

enjoy reading.. salam ramadhan al-mubarak

8 more day to go....perbanyakkan amal ibadah dalam 10 mlm terakhir ni..

hijau=green

salam untuk semua..

hurmm...raya is just around the corner!!!!!

10 more days to go.

semalam sibuk cari baju for my parents..

and i feel and thinking of something..

hahhaaa..dulu time kecik2 mak ayah sibuk cari baju utk aku.. tp semalam aku yg sibuk cari baju utk mereka..*dah besar rupenye aku ni.. opppsss..

aku pilih semuanya and then suruh mak fitting.. macam time aku kecik2 dulu.. sebijik..

hahahaha.. ayah pun sama..both of them got blue for their apparel. blue skirt and blouse for mak and blue shirt for ayah.. and me????haruslah biru juge.... hahathis is called as kebetulan yg dirancang...*macam mana tu?

title hijau=green tp story morry pasal biru=blue pulak.. ter interframe lak..sorry yek Ms.Green.

this year we all tema hijau.. as usual laa.. aku mmg susah sikit nk compromise dgn hijau.. kat almari tu byk je bju hijau tp seriously jarang pakai...sbb ada barrier kat kepala ni 'cik bella tak suka hijau'.....ooopppsss...kalau laa aina dgr ni konfem kne tazkirah ngan dia lagi... ok..dah byk melalut.. ok back to the topik.. so disebabkan tak suka sgt hijau aku pun mcm nekad taknak beli bju kurung hijau..bajet macam nak pakai bju2 lama yg tergantung cantik kat dlm almari tu.. ayah offer nak belikan pun aku tolak mentah2.. hahaha...last2 hari ni aku TERBELI sepasang bju kurung HIJAU.=GREEN!!!!!!terbeli ok!... ececeh...tak ngaku bju tu cantik pulak..

knpe beli?hurmm..byk sbb..

1st: color hijau

2nd: fabric viscose

3rd: corak polkadot

4th: affordable sgt2!!!

5th: tbe2 terpikir *takkan laa raya 1st nak pakai bju lama, org lain sume pakai bju baru

6th: sbb NAK BELI!!!!!

7th: semua diatas....sekian harap maklum

hahaha..ok ada 7 reasons aku beli baju tu.. knpe 7? sbb aku suka no.7.. aku tanya aku yg jawap...hahaha..

ok that's all .. thanks for reading.. salam ramadhan al mubarak..

senyum..senyum..senyum...

senyum=SMILE

alhamdulillah..

once again, allah gives me another chance...

mood: senyum

do you believe the power of SMILE?

I DO..

why i said so?

because I FEEL IT

when i start my day with a smile

i'll end my day with a smile too

when we give a smile we'll get the smile back from other.

this makes me feel the happiness of life

so believe me, smile has the power of happiness.

let's SMILE together..

no charge for it.. it is F.O.C

WHY PAY MORE IF YOU CAN GET IT FREE!!!!!

7 years waiting for...19 days be with...

an innocent girl could not accept anybody even tried her best .

7 years she tried to ignore and avoid her feelings towards anybody because she believe all the words.. and hope it will come true one day.. but the end of the day, the words are just words without meaning..the innocent girl is waiting for something which is meaningless..

**********************************************************************

7 years with nothing..

but,

19 days be with...

i learned a lot..

i learned the reality of life.. thank you for encouraging me to learn more in my life..

19 years, i waste my days without knowing more in the real life..

i love this quote,

learn from experience, share knowledge and celebrate success

i'll remember those words..

am i ready and though enough to step up into this real life?

YES!!!

I WILL and I CAN...

with bless

insyallah.. the best promise....

now on wards...

i live my life without the 'hope' and left the 'promises' behind..

it comes back....

i got my feelings back.. but at the end of story.. i realize that i should ignore it because sometimes it's hurt to feel...